Should Females Be More Aggressive In Relationships?
We always hear about the guy who does whatever it takes to “win” his girl. Though this article is dedicated to the females who are just as ardent, the males will benefit from the information and perspectives. Essentially it all boils down to what (or who) really matters to you and how you really feel about yourself.
Before we analyze “women who go for what they want”, let’s review my Ex (she’s a great example of such):
I met my Ex at this gathering (of friends). She seemed really nice, but I noticed one thing about her. She had no problems with going up to a guy, initiating communication, and flirting with him. Now don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t “that type” of girl. This was a Christian gathering. Me Ex was a member of the religion, but she seldom attended meetings. I was young, naive, and totally devoted to the religion. Yet, I still had my “Pre-Religion” personality deep inside me. I liked my Ex because she was anti-typical. She really was that “Bonnie (ride or die) chick”. I learned a long time ago you’ll also be confused if you choose a confused person. My Ex “played” the naive role (and in some ways, she was), but underneath she really was “controlling the strings”. I was impressed with my Ex’s swagger that night. Yet, I was extremely busy with the religion. So nothing came out of my Ex’s flirtatious advancements.
The next time I saw my Ex, I was at Buckingham Palace, Pennsylvania. It was my baptism day. She was very happy to see me. We exchanged phone numbers. When I returned home that night, my favorite (but now deceased) cousin stopped by. I don’t really remember what happened, but I think he and I decided not to pursue the situation. Some how her phone number got lost. Her congregation location was different from mine. I thought we’d never “hook up” after that. Then the Supernatural happened. The religion’s leaders decided to reorganize the congregations. She and I attended meetings at the same time across from one another. Soon as I walked outside our worship room, there she was. We began talking, calling, meeting each other, and the rest is “ancient” history.
Unfortunately, the religion was authoritative and cultic. Too many “chiefs” and “know it alls”. That experience taught me how important the Bible’s counsel is that a man and a woman’s relationship is between the two (Genesis 2:20-24). She and I had a really good relationship. I was young and naive, and “obeying” those who claim to be the “voice of God on Earth” took its toll. She eventually left the religion, and pushed for an “End” to us (although she hung around in my life till my new girlfriend “evicted” her). I tried to hang in with the religion. Once reality and maturity replaced “religious naive ness” I also eventually left it.
My Ex had many desirable traits. I’ve come to appreciate those traits more so. She didn’t wait around for the guy to initiate contact or “make the first move”. She truly was a Leo. She was pretty much supportive of our relationship (but not of the religion). I’m certain that had it not been for authoritative religion and its deceptions, we would have remained a couple.
So how does any of this apply to today’s world?
1) Most people want someone who “looks the look” and “walks the walk”. Unfortunately, that’s what they often get (An Actor). An Actor can look the look and play the role, but has no substance (depth). Many persons don’t want or care about “depth”. That’s why it’s essential that a person knows what he or she wants. If the situation is casual, then keep it casual. It gets really “creepy” when someone attempts to put tabs on a “casual” relationship.
The point is this. You should have some idea what you want. If you want a “real” whatever, then make sure you have substance. In other words, the male or female might “excite” you in one or more ways, but they’re not loyal. They might not be the type of person you can plan a future with. Sometimes we say, “It doesn’t matter what whoever thinks”. Yet often times it does matter. Blood will usually always be thicker than water. It’s hard to remember the dancing and the “good times” through the pain.
2) Most people allow someone else to “figure it out for them”. Another Big Mistake. From Employment, To Friendship, To Love-Substance will always be what’s eventually wanted and needed. A Part Time Employee must still do a good job. Otherwise, they will have wasted time and money. Don’t allow this friend of yours to “lead” your life. You must always be a Co Partner. If they don’t Respect you as such, your “situation” will eventually fold.
It’s unwise to think that “things will work themselves out”. Once feelings and pride become involved, “erratic behavior” will be the result.
Many persons say, “well it’s not suppose to be ‘intellectual’ it’s suppose to be fun”. The truth is anything that is not “thought about” will suffer some sort of emotional “karma”. There is a reaction for every action. Ok, enough of the philosophy stuff.
There are times to think like “kids”, and that’s when we are kids. As we grow in age and body, we have to allow our emotions and minds to grow also.
3) Now that you know what you want, Go for it. Do not fear. You can always change your agenda if needed.
4) If you want a casual situation or friends, then don’t be afraid to state what you want. Anyone who calls you “too friendly” after you made it clear that all you want is friends is an idiot. Never play with anyone’s mind or emotions. Karma does “come back around”. Be able to cut off anyone who attempts to isolate you.
The one thing a person doesn’t want to do is “tarnish” their image. I know that sounded “corny”. Let me explain. A man that’s a player is “Macho”. A woman who is a playette is “Loose (and other derogatory names)”. That’s totally sexist, but is the way it is. I don’t tour the bars anymore. Yet, I remember how the females who had “done a lot of things” would greet guys at the bar. Immediately the “warnings”, jokes and “whispers” about them began. It’s not worth the “backlash”.
5) People are very concerned with their Independence-With all the drama in relationships, we can see why people want to be private or “not answer to anyone”. Yet we all know that we could never approach our employer with that attitude. He/she can walk up to you and tell you to work late or come in early. Most of us wouldn’t dare read him/her the “riot act”. “How dare you assume that I’m going to put this job above my personal (private) life, and no I’m not going to tell you why I can’t and will not work”. Yea, imagine that. For most of us, that conversation would never take place in this life time. So why give the same “drama” to someone else? Now don’t misread what I am writing. Not everyone has a right to certain information. If you are, however, dealing with someone that is more than a “casual” situation, common courtesy would be nice. Especially for the Ladies-”Kill ‘em with kindness”. You can be the most seemingly considerate person with out really telling him anything. Men can also utilize charm to avoid the drama. Believe me, once the drama begins, so does the “Relationship Is Just About Over” invisible time clock.
Many women have told me that Relationships shouldn’t be “work”. That’s a bunch of rubbish! Anything that you want to make while will require work. Just Work Smart. Imagine John who gets up early, gets his entire agenda accomplished, and totally relaxes thereafter. Drama stresses people out. It’s when you are “pissed” with your significant other that “Silvia” or “Rico” approaches them with temptation.
Being considerate doesn’t mean that you aren’t being private or Independent. The key is to show the other person that you do in deed care about their thoughts and feelings.
6) If you want something with depth, then “start swimming”-As I wrote earlier, most of us want the person with the looks and moves to “sweep us off our feet”. Well, try to look at it this way. Jennifer’s older brother was always “schooling” her. Jennifer had looks and popularity. The guys she dated never “came through”. Her older brother told her to start dating various guys. Jennifer liked what she liked, yet she got sick of her older brother laughing at her after every failed date. Jennifer finally decided to give Myron a chance. I know, “Myron” (I’m laughing at this guy already). Jennifer initially hated Myron. She wanted to immediately attack his “low self confidence”, but she kept hearing her brother say, “you wouldn’t like it if somebody did that to you”. Myron took Jennifer to a nice location. Jennifer decided to enjoy the night and attempted to listen to Myron. Jennifer immediately noticed that Myron had a focused future. He was the first guy she had met like that. For some strange reason, she gave Myron a second date. Even her older brother wasn’t expecting Myron to get that far!
So “Start Swimming”. Most people go to the pier and expect the fish to “jump right onto the hook”. It usually doesn’t work that way. Some females are thrilled with the “dark” and/or “bad boy” type until she learns why he’s a bad boy.
So “Start Swimming”. Try different people, places, and things. If you have legitimate concerns, respectfully mention them. If your date cares how you feel, they will respond. If they don’t care how you feel, then you might not want a second date with that person.
Some people are attracted to the “rude”, unemotional type. To each its own.
Again, “Start Swimming”. If you don’t initially enjoy the person on the date, then enjoy the date. Maybe it was the location. Maybe you can “try again” at another location or another type of event.
7) Realize that with out you opening up, your relationship can never deepen and grow. Actually you both have got to open up. Only you will know when you’re ready. But you have both got to open up. There will be no meaningful growth with out mutual openness toward each other.
The key is to always be Proactive. If your partner doesn’t appreciate your attempts to strengthen the relationship, then they might not be he one for you. Of course you don’t want to overly stress anyone out. Yet, each person must show significant signs of wanting to grow with each other.
This is my favorite step. Step number 8: Ladies Go For It! Come on Ladies, you changed the world! Now its time to change the game! We guys had to learn how to “make the first move”. We had to learn how to accept initial rejection. We had to learn how to attempt to rebound, how to make a date fun, how to “look the look”, and how to do all that other stuff to impress YOU. Now it’s your turn. In this category, I admit that no one every superseded my EX. She was the Queen of Going For It!
It’s not fully the ladies fault. Past generations taught females to be seen and not heard. Presently most females won’t say anything to avoid hurting feelings. They’ll leave and guys will be wondering why. In many of those cases, if a female had just spoken up, the guy may have been able to rebound. Again, if the female wasn’t looking for anything more than it is what it is. In other cases, the female may have not liked the date location, or the cologne. Speak Up Ladies. Give the guy a chance to “make it right”.
If you really want to meet a guy. Then find ways to do show. Alicia Keys wrote a really nice song. A Waitress finally “got up the nerve” to call one of her patrons. LL Cool J said that the person can only say “no” (it’s not do or die).
I’ve had numerous females initially tell me NO! They would go home and think about it, and the next time I would see them, they would initiate conversation and everything. I was like, what the “hell” changed her mind.
So Go For. Be Nice. Be Friendly. Show Concern. It goes a long way.
The main thing many females need to stop doing is waiting for the guy to approach her. Maybe he’s scared. Or for some crazy reason, maybe he’s never looked into your eyes, or noticed your great personality. Yea, I know you think people don’t look for “personality” but yes they do. Look how well Taylor Swift’s song did. That song was all about a guy with a girl who really didn’t appreciate him, but one who “loved” him was right there. All it takes is a second. But you have to be PRO ACTIVE. Go for it, Ladies.
My New Jersey friend was out in California and caught a flat tire. 3 Cali chicks got out their car and asked him where he was from. When he said Jersey, they decided to show him hospitality and changed the tire for him. TRUE STORY!
No, I’m not telling you to change a guys tire. Well let me give you another example.
One day I was in the car with this female. She was in somewhat of a grumpy mood. We were in an apartment complex. A female was walking with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, the female did like four or six flips to impress her boyfriend. I was totally impressed. The female in the car with me looked at me and said, “well I can flip too”! LOL
So don’t sit around waiting for the guy to make the move. You Make It If You Really Want To Make It. And don’t worry about “rejection”. You females have been rejecting us guys for centuries. That doesn’t stop us from hoping and trying. Toughen Up!
The point is always be Proactive. Especially if you are in a Relationship. A man acts like he wants a woman that keeps her mouth shut, but he doesn’t. If you go too far out of your way to “please your man” he will probably take you for granted. Man, I really hate admitting this, but most men want a woman who can say what’s on her mind (even putting him in his place) like his Mother would! Man, I really hated typing that. But it’s true. Most men are still “boys” at heart. Who did Chance choose (Real Chance At Love)? Chance chose the female who wasn’t afraid to tell him off.
So ladies if you don’t communicate for whatever reason, somehow (internally and emotionally) the man feels that you don’t really care about him. Then pops up Cindy or some other “home wrecker”. The man makes a bad decision and messes the relationship up. And it’s definitely his lost and his fault. But maybe you should have been more PROACTIVE at ensuring him that: 1) you were glad to be with him and 2) you’re all he needs in the love/companionship department.
And let’s be realistic. Sh~~ Happens. In many cases, no matter what you do, things will go wrong. But not in all cases. So if you give up and say “that’s just the way it is” then you are depriving yourself of a Real (Depth) situation. And they do exist. Dating clubs make millions yearly. So someone, some where is looking for some thing.
So should women be more aggressive when meeting guys? Definitely.
So should women talk more to their men about the relationship and improving it? Definitely.
Should our modern world continue to feel that it is the man who should be taking most of the initiatives? Definitely Not. Our world is Fast and Aggressive. If you pause, you will miss out.
Well what can a Female or Male do to show interests that will motivate a response from the other person? You should do anything and everything. Mother Universe gave everyone Intuitive energies. Just make a strong and meaningful effort. He or She can only say No. And No often turns into Yes. Just don’t fear rejection, “shake it off”, and keep seeking something Better. If Better is what you want and what you feel you deserve.
This article can be freely edited and utilized as long as credit is given to its author (
Gary Colin).
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